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  • Writer's pictureJenny Wynter

The War on Wildlife

I just heard yesterday that apparently some devastated Irwin fans have become Crocodile Hunter Vigilantes by undertaking sting-ray slayer sprees in North Queensland. Yes, you read that right – dead sting-rays have been found sprawled along beaches with…wait for it…their barbs cut off.

Now seriously…I’m sad that he died too, but slaughtering sting-rays?

What a croc.

When Diana passed on, did anybody start bombing French tunnels?

When River Phoenix took off, did anybody start dismembering drug cocktails?

When 9/11 happened, did anybody take it upon themselves to start slashing the tyres of American airlines? No! We didn’t stuff around with the planes…we instead went directly to the source and bombed the crap out of some apparently terrorist-riddled countries.

So come on people – let’s not be distracted by the sting-rays…let’s get to the real source of the problem: WILDLIFE. Let’s kill it all. We can slay roos, crocs, bears, birds, even coral (though it might be more efficient just to let the coral continue on its slow trawl down death row over the next 20 years – after all, if there’s one thing better than revenge, it’s efficiency.)

Then when we’re done, we can stack up our kill, roast it on a spit and call it the ‘Steve Irwin Barbeque Tribute – cos that’ll teach the little bastards for messin’ with one top bloke.’

Come on Australia. Let’s do it for Steve.

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