So apparently I’m the only one who’s surprised by my collapse, physical and emotional, this week. I feel stupid to have not seen it coming, all I can say in my defence is that when it comes to anticipating the inevitable burn out resulting from this mad past few months, I simply did not have time to think about it.
A closing night celebration with some of the Unexpected crew and friends!
With 2012 thus far comprising not one, but three trips to Adelaide, including a month-long stint for Fringe Fest, followed by a short performance run in Brissie with a two and a bit week chaser in Melbourne, I look back on all this nuttiness and want to slap my forehead: of course! All this time I was on a crash collision towards a nervous breakdown! Duh!
Anyhoo, it’s only of some comfort to know that this implosion is justified.
The good news is that I AM BACK WITH MY KIDLETS!
My word, was I a sad sack in Melbourne or what? I don’t know if that came across in this here ole blog, but seriously, I could not snap myself out of my constant state of forlorn – even amidst the wonder that is Melbourne itself, dozens of amazing comedy shows, nice reviews, a few sold out performances, catching up with beautiful friends – even THEN, I just couldn’t lift myself out of the hazy fog of sorry sads that was missing my babies.
My beautiful peeps behind An Unexpected Variety Show, stage manager Belle and pianist Matt, helping me hold it together onstage and off!
As a result I am currently taking a breather to:
a) cuddle the living shizz out of them. I adore them. Even when they are throwing tanties, pushing my buttons and shrieking to the high heavens above, I want to eat them up.
b) reassess how the heck I can make this performing/family combo work. Because after this past couple of months, I am certain that I simply cannot go on being away from them regularly. It kills.
So yes. Time to catch up on sleep, housework, cuddles…basically trying to remember how the heck to be a domestic goddess again, only to recall that oh, that’s right, I never was. Hmmmm. Instead, I shall try to find my rhythm as the dodgy housewife I am. I baked a packet mix chocolate cake yesterday. That has to be a start.
And time to decide…
…where to from here?