Paris released from jail

Let this be a lesson to y’all. To receive ‘fair and professional’ treatment (translation = swapping your claustrophobic cell for your sprawling Hollywood mansion) after serving only 72 hours (translation = 5 days if you arrive after sunset and leave just after dawn), all you need is love.

Oh no, hang on, that was a song.

Let me try again…all you need is a rash.

A hefty account balance probably doesn’t hurt either, but don’t be disheartened! Start with the rash (if you’re really organised you can probably just sleep with everything in the years leading up to your arrest to maximise your chances of a break-out – no pun intended – at any given time) and take it from there.

How exciting for you!

(Yet how devastating for the writers of Prison Break. All the effort to create a dramatic, yet plausible storyline, when all the characters ever needed to do in the first place was contract a nasty case of herpes.)

Get scratching, inmates!