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  • Writer's pictureJenny Wynter

Tyra Banks bullshizz: the Comic Mummy breakdown

Okay, so I’ve laid off the pop culture stuff for a bit, so revolted was I beginning to get with my preoccupation with it (a symptom of my having a little too much time on my hands for a while there…) but something’s come to my attention this week that I simply cannot NOT comment on.

This whole ‘Jennifer Love Hewitt/Tyra Banks/insert-other-target-here is fat’ thing.

*taking a deep breath*

It is my very humble opinion that a new code of conduct be devised, a code which every single editor of every single gossip/women/etc magazine is bound to comply with. A code which entails:

1. NEVER publishing articles on ‘Boost your self esteem!’, ‘The Tragedy of Bulimia’ or ‘Love your body now!’ if they appear in the same issue as zoom lensed photos closing in on “Uma Thurman’s cottage cheese thighs”.

And yes, I actually saw that on a mag once, I believe the exact caption on the cover was something like ‘Uma’s cottage cheese thighs: EWW!!!!’ I know after simply seeing that on the magazine rack – and I never even bought the damn thing – I instantly felt compelled to cover up all my flesh with an extra couple of layers of clothing. Of course it being summer and all, I instead opted for icecream, thereby adding an extra couple of layers of fat. Point is: while printing crap like that may arguably make us feel better for a millisecond that celebs are mere mortals after all, this is mega-outweighed by the feeling of ‘well gees, if The Bride is having issues then what the hell is this whale-suit I’m lugging around?’

and furthermore:

2. ONLY using buzzwords like ‘fat’ or ‘chubby’ after said editor has subjected themselves to a photo shoot combining underwear, close-ups and fluroescent lighting.

What can I say? I aim to make the world a better place.

PS Speaking of knickers (and slumber, not that I mentioned that but I had to slip it in there somewhere) I haven’t forgotten your suggestions Miss and Mezz! I’ll be doing the next video entry soon, promise!

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