Somebody kill me please

I’m drowning. I’m not kidding. I’m like that chick out of The Abyss, hyper-ventilating, eyes wide open and even prepared to kiss the frozen glass helmet housing my previously estranged spouse, in a frantic attempt to distract myself from my pending drown-dom.

Except it’s not water. It’s washing baby. A fortnight of rain, and check out my laundry…

I must know, does anybody out there actually even USE the ‘low’ setting on their washing machine? I’ll tell you how often I’ve used it: NEVER. Not even once. The one and only setting I EVER use is ‘maxi’. And even then I can’t keep up.

I can’t even imagine when, why or how anyone on this planet would ever have reason to use the ‘low’ setting. In fact, I don’t think ‘low’ even works. I think it’s a marketing ploy to make us feel all empowered, like we’ve got all these options, when the truth is the manufacturer knows damn well that nobody will ever use it to check.

Hmmph. I’ve got it all sussed. Knowledge may be power, but it doesn’t fix my nightmare.

Yes, I’m drowning. And there’s not even a smidge of oxygen-deprived ecstasy in sight.

*gulp*