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Rat Poison for the Insecure Soul

  • Writer: Jenny Wynter
    Jenny Wynter
  • Jul 4, 2006
  • 1 min read

Mum: (whispering to my sister) “I thought she’d lost more weight than that.”

Me: “Uh, I can HEAR you! And THANKS!”

***

Mum: “I don’t like your shirt.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry…do you like my pants?” (A beat) Me: “Sorry Mum. That was just me turning the other cheek.”

***

Grandpa of sister’s boyfriend (to whom I’d just been introduced): “Wow, you’re much bigger than Angie, aren’t you?”

(Note: my sister is an absolute waif, the pudding-like proof being that her personal trainer has told her it is impossible for her to get any skinnier. That and she’s tiny, while I am rather tall.)

Angie: (trying to be sublty comforting) “Yeah, we are quite different.”

Others in the room: “Mmmm, mmmmm, you don’t look much alike, no, mmmmm…”

Angie: “And I am sitting on a chair!”

(Note: I was standing up.)

Me: “Yeah…and I am exhaling.”

***

Honestly, it’s enough to make you want to:

a) stick your fingers down your throat while singing “The Candyman Can”; b) gate-crash an aerobics class, take over the microphone and spend the entire session visibly bingeing on turkish delight; or c) dwell on those beautiful words of rainbow fizziness, uttered this very afternoon by grandma’s downstairs neighbour (complete with a thick German accent): “My dear look at you…you finally got your figure back!”

Wunderbar.

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I acknowledge the Gubbi Gubbi, Wakka Wakka and Butchulla peoples, the First Nation Traditional Owners of Country, and custodians of the land and waters on which I live and work, and all the peoples who have welcomed me on Country. I pay respects to all Elders past and present and acknowledge the young leaders who are working beside Elders in our cultural industries in the continuation of cultural, spiritual and educational practices. I recognise all First Nation peoples as the original storytellers of these lands and acknowledge the important role they continue to play in our community.

Jenny Wynter

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