Oscars: the official debrief

Okay, okay, so here’s my thoughts in brief on the Oscars. So you can stop the hassling e-mails, the incessant phone calls and the midnight egging of my household. Please.

– Ellen rocked. I thought she got it so right in what must be one of the toughest gigs ever. What a woman. I’m completely inspired and rehearsing my opening Oscars monologue as I type – which is no mean feat, but then I am one hell of a multi-tasker.

– Those shadow/body/acrobatic/movie tribute/puppet things were just amazing. Best. Thing. Ever.

– Everybody looked amazing this year – no huge disasters that I can recall, though I thought Cate Blanchett (while utterly stunning) looked like she’d lost 5kg. Which, big deal right? This is Hollywood, after all. But the thing is, she was already completely waifish to start with. Where did the kilos go? Or is it simply a question of if a superstar loses 5kg and there’s no-one around to see her lose them, then did she really lose them at all? Gees. No wonder Lost does my head in.

– Poor old Peter O’Toole. Not that he was ‘robbed’ as such, as from what I’ve seen of the trailers Forest Whitaker looks completely deserving, but please. The guy’s gonna be gone soon and somehow the ‘Lifetime Achievement Now You’re Dead and We Actually Appreciate You’ award isn’t quite as satisfying, if only cos you don’t even get to give an acceptance speech. On the other hand, he, of all the nominees, seemed to do the worst job of hiding his dismay at losing, so maybe he’s not that great an actor after all.

– On the note of speeches, I find it so humiliating when the ‘get off’ music starts playing. I mean, come on – it’s like “We LOVE you! You’re IT!” (10 seconds later) “Okay now bugger off you long-winded tosser.” I’m all for winding people up…but I think it should be based not on the speech length, but the speech entertainment factor. If someone’s just rattling off names, then sure, wind ’em up. But if they’re kicking ass (and let’s face it, probably only 1 or 2 of the winners will) then why not let them have their moment of glory? Cos there can’t be anything better than doing a killer set at the Oscars.

– I SOOOO badly want to see Little Miss Sunshine now. Like right now. Why am I blogging?