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  • Writer's pictureJenny Wynter

“One Night in Labour” lyrics

Okay, so due to popular demand (if by ‘popular’ you mean ‘at the request of two people’), here are the lyrics to my favourite song to perform (at the moment). I hope it means as much to you as it does to me. Ehem.

“One Night in Labour”

Labour, hospital setting And the mama don’t know what the mama is getting The creme de la creme of humilia-shen She’ll be showin’ everything but Guy Sebastien

Time slows, it doesn’t seem a minute And you’re wanting to get out but damn you’re in it Gimme gas! Don’t you know once this thing’s started There ain’t no ordinary way out

There’s epidural, or a ceasar, or a bullet Or…or this place

Chorus: One night in labour and the world’s your oyster The baby’s cute but it don’t come for free You’ll soon find out if it’s a girl or boyster And if you’re lucky it’ll end quickly I can feel a baby coming out of me

One kid’s much like the other When you’re head’s sucking down on the gas young mother

Hospital staff It’s a shame, yes it really is a pity To be meeting your child when you’re feeling so shitty

Mama Whaddya mean? You’ve felt one pain you’ve felt ’em all!

Hospital staff Blood, puke and placenta That shit just ain’t heaven senta

Mama Hey man, you’re talkin’ to a gal Who’s pain threshold makes the guys go ‘wow!’ I feel my kicks below the waistline, sunshine!

Chorus: One night in labour makes a hard girl humble You’re just as shattered as your dignity One night in labour and the tough girls crumble Your one vagina suddenly feels like three (ow!) I can feel a baby coming out of me

My hubby’s gonna be a witness To the ultime display of birthing fitness More legs in the air than you would see From the world’s greatest yoga devotee Put the camera away honey Before I shove it up your…

Spread out like a piece of meat And four doctors have a front row seat I’d ask you in, yes I’d invite you But the nudity in here would not excite you

Best get back to your drinking and your sleeping in and your…life

Chorus: One night in labour and the world’s your oyster The baby’s cute but it don’t come for free You’ll soon find out if it’s a girl or boyster And if you’re lucky it’ll end quickly Why’d I let my hubby put his dick near me?

One night in labour makes a hard girl humble You’re just as shattered as your dignity One night in labour and the tough girls crumble Your one vagina now feels like thirty (ow!) Someone get this freakin’ baby out of me!

*insert thunderous applause*

By the way, now you’ve read the lyrics that does NOT mean you’ve got an excuse not to come to a future show. There ain’t nothing like seeing the real thing live, sistas.

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