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  • Writer's pictureJenny Wynter

Luck wanted: apply within

So the presentation ceremony for the Lord Mayor’s Fellowship is on tomorrow morning and – being the stand-up comedian of the group and thus presumably the most comfortable with public speaking – I have been asked to give a five-minute speech on behalf of all the recipients.

In front of a room comprising mainly fellowship people, Brisbane City Council staff, media reps and…the Lord Mayor.

I’m not extraordinarily nervous, I mean it’s just a speech – it’s not like I even need to make them laugh or anything – but I also don’t want to stutter, slur or slip up. In short, I don’t want to look like a complete nork-tube from hell. Thus it’s gotten me contemplating…

The 5 Worst Things to Say at a Presentation Ceremony where the Media and/or Lord Mayor of Your City is Present 1. “When I found out I’d been awarded money to travel abroad, my first thought was “Wohoo! Finally, I can get the hell out of this hell-hole!”

2. “I was planning on doing some training in the States, but I’ve since realised that if I used the money to move to Mongolia I could survive on yak’s milk for around four decades. So thanks City Council…I’ll send you a post-card in 2034.”

3. “I’m not even a real emerging artist: I just thought I’d give this grant thing a shot! Cheers!”

4. “My grant money went for a little walky and somehow ended up at The Casino…um….any chance of a top-up?”

5. “Meeeekin murrgin blllllugh tequila bluuuuuurrsh…”

Wish me luck!

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