In conversation with a toddler

Him: “Dink.”

Me: “You wanna drink?”

Him: “Dah.”

Me: “Here you go.”

Him (drinking)

Me: “Say ‘ta mummy.'”

Him: “Ta mummy.”

Him (checking that gravity works on fluids)

Me: “No, no, honey, we don’t tip it out.”

Him (continuing to test his hypothesis)

Me (taking it off him)

Him: “WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!” (x 2 minutes straight)

Me: “Okay, are you ready to have it back?”

Him: “No!”

Me: “You don’t want it?”

Him: “No!”

Me: “Okay.”

Him: “NO!!! DINK!!!!!!!” (reaching out for cup)

Me: “Okay, here you go.” (handing him cup)

Him: “NO!!!!!!” (slapping it away)

Me: “You don’t want it?”

Him: “DINK!” (reaching for cup)

Me: “You want it?”

Him: “NOOOO!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!”

And so it goes; me continuing to try and negotiate with an essentially non-negotiable target. Him trying to assert his position of stubborn ‘I’ll show you mummy for telling me off’ while battling with the primal desire to drink. Essentially cutting off his nose to spite his chubby face.

No wonder my sense of humour’s wacked. I no longer have any, let alone a firm, grasp on reality.