Well, I warned you at the start of these on-the-road updates that the end of this tour would either result in a career break or a nervous breakdown. It appears it may be the latter. In summary your honours:
– I am completely shattered and depleted of energy in every possible area.
– It follows that I am not being a very good parent, relying WAY too much on televised entertainment to see me through.
– I have growing concerns that my marriage will be unable to survive life as a professional stand-up (note: I had a chat with Fiona O’Loughlin yesterday at Jeez Louise Funny Women’s Conference and asked her how the hell she manages to keep her marriage going in this industry. I’ll keep her details private, but suffice to say it is damn damn hard.)
– While I feel inspired by the amazing comedy I’ve seen this fest and the array of incredible people I’ve gotten up close to, I also feel kinda comedied out.
– Whoever posted on my blog that ‘aren’t you just a comedy geek?’ – that comment has weighed on my mind of late, making me go ‘well, am I? Is this all that this is about?’
– My sense of self-loathing is growing, based on the incredibly navel-gazing nature of having comedy and blogging as two huge components of my daily existence.
I’ve been feeling all of these things throughout the week. As you know, I have been waiting with bated breath to find out whether I got a Wildcard into the Raw National Finals – and in fine Jenny tradition, made myself a little bet: “if I get into the Nationals, then I will consider that a pretty damn cool break and will continue along this trajectory. If I don’t, then I will make a very conscious move to take my foot off the comedy career accelerator.”
So yesterday at Jeez Louise, I saw Toby Sullivan, the Raw Comedy producer. We said hi in the morning, but he mentioned nothing of any decisions. At lunch-time I approached him.
Me: “So any word on the Raw finals?” Him: “Yeah, we’ve decided.” (him looking sympathetic) Me: “And…I’m not in it?” Him: “No. I’m sorry!” (him pretending to duck) Me: “Oh….oh no….” Him: “It’s very tight this year. I’m sorry I can’t help you. You’ll have next year.”
Uh, actually no – you’re not sposed to earn over $500 in one year which means (if I do heed the honour system they have in place of course) I will be out of the running. I just feel so disappointed, not in the decision itself (well, yeah of course I am a bit) but in my absolute stupidity at getting my hopes up. Josh Thomas was so encouraging telling me how much Toby liked my stuff, Fedele (owner of the Sit Down Comedy Club and most comedy rooms in Brisbane) even rang me up the other day to ask if I’d heard and told me he thought I had a really good shot at it…I told him I didn’t want to get too excited and was trying not to think about it, but then it’s always easier said than done, isn’t it?
But on the bright side…decision made.
Thus, in conclusion your honours, I’ve decided that comedy and I shall commence a trial separation. How bizarre that we had to go through this torrid whirlwind honeymoon of sorts to get to this point.
This is not a divorce, just a little break to see how it goes.
The only problem is I have some gigs booked already for the next few months – I’ll still do them, but just not book anything new. How confusing – but then again, breaking up is hard to do. So bingo. There’s the break after all.