You know that you’re the only one I really listen to, don’t you? I mean, sure, I ignore you most of the time, but when you start breaking down and throw a mega hissy fit my way…well, I don’t put you in time out, berate you for tantruming or even threaten you with the wooden spoon. No, I listen to you dear body, because I know that at the end of the day, if you’re off, then I’m off.
So I’m sorry for letting you feel so out of sorts – how about we come to an agreement?
I promise to: – pamper you a little and help you chill the heck out; – actually fill you with decent food; – water you more often; and – occasionally take you out for a walk. Okay, okay, REGULARLY! Sheez.
In return I expect you to: – pep up a bit – no offence but sometimes you can just be so damn draining; – fight off any villains, viruses and other nasty ‘v’ words that come your way; – quit complaining; AND – radiate that crucial level of attractiveness: just enough to make me feel ‘hummenah’ but not enough to trigger local wildlife in a 5km radius to head my way and start humping my leg.
So…I trust we are in agreement.
My apologies again for any inconvenience.
Let’s do lunch.