Thanks guys for all the support to my second-last post – it’s times like these you need Minties. Or blogging buddies, apparently. Anyway, thank you. 🙂
The thing is, I’ve never felt so on track with the comedy stuff – it’s not like I’m where I want to be yet, but I feel like I’m certainly travelling the right path and so long as I just keep doing what I’m doing, things will happen. What things exactly, I have no idea, but I have always believed that the best things in my entire life comprise stuff I could never have pre-planned myself (my daughter being the prime example) so generally speaking I’m happy to do the groundwork and then just go along for the ride to see where it takes me.
The thing is though, sometimes there’s a lot of work involved in keeping the ride going. It’s like a rollercoaster that operates Flinstone-power style, with you sticking your feet out constantly to keep it moving. And that can feel overwhelming, particularly when you’re motoring it along with babes in arms.
Then there’s also the recurring thought that maybe this ‘success’ (whatever that even means) that I’ve been chasing for so long, actually isn’t what I really want anyway. i.e. I’m on a rollercoaster that I’m self-propelling yet I’m not even sure if the destination is going to be *snapping fingers* all that.
I mean, it’s hard enough with things as busy as they are now, let alone taking the schizzle to the next level. And I soooo don’t want to look back years from now and – as Sara-Lee said – realise that they’re 21 and I missed it all. I’m already spun out enough that Ella’s nearly 5. What the?!
But then I think of the alternative – to pursue a more traditional job, but that to me just sucks buttocks. I’ve spent just enough time in my life working for the man to know with certainty that it really isn’t my thing.
And that’s when I realise that performing has gone beyond being a ‘choice’ for me. There is nothing else I want to do with my life. It’s as simple as that.
Now I just have to make it work for my family and not vice versa.
*taking a deep breath*