So…I’m a little tiddly, having just arrived home from a lovely 50th b’day party from a newfound friend right here in Canadia – where mania abounds, wacka wacka! (you see what I’m like when you get me drunk?) – and I just thought I’d write to say hello and…well, at 1 minute past midnight…happy birthday to me.
It’s my newfound resolution to be more real on this blog – i.e. to actually grow some kahunas to reveal more of my actual self on here rather than censoring the scheister out of myself which I usually do – so, let’s start with a few home truths.
1. I know a nauseating number of old-time tunes, thanks to being raised by my grandma. From ‘A wee Doch and Doris’ to ‘Oh, you beautiful doll’, I have no idea how any of these will ever come in handy in my life. But I know them. And some of them, I like.
2. I occasionally freak out about whether I’ve made a massive boo-boo in putting life experience ahead of financial security, i.e. in pursuing an unstable career and doing the overseas thing with kiddly-winks in the picture, rather than just going down the law path or something. But, those moments are very few and far between. Most of the time – and I do say this honestly – I feel pretty proud of myself for having suitably sized kahunas to take the road less travelled.
3. I worry a lot about my Mum (my grandma, but she is who raised me, hence the ‘Mum’ title) and having left her behind in Australia. Despite her incredibly supportive reassurances, my greatest fear is that she will die before I get back to Oz.
4. I also worry about my Dad (my real Dad, but who is also quite old). We only met 10 years ago and since then our relationship has been kinda strained. It has improved since I got to Canada, namely cos it’s been forcibly moved into written communication mode, but I also worry that something will happen to him while I’m overseas and that I’ll regret not having made more of an effort to connect.
5. I want to be a good person. And work out what the heck this life is all about. And make the most of it. If there’s one thing that losing my mum early has taught me, it’s that life is short. And that you mustn’t take people for granted. And that includes yourself – sometimes trying to squeeze every last drop out of life has sent me a little around the bend (can you spell ‘pressure’?), but at the end of the day, I’m glad that I have had that perspective from the start. I’m very aware that my life could end at any given moment, and I honestly feel that even if that happened tomorrow – while I wouldn’t want it to – I would feel pretty happy with, not so much where my life is at, but at the way in which I’m living it. I do feel like, for the first time ever, I’m actually doing well by my family and by my personal goals. I’d like to improve in a number of areas of course, but all in all, if I died tomorrow, I think I’d feel pretty satisfied with where I got.
Okay, enough tiddly spilling onto the blog. I need to save some for the bathroom now. Don’t be greedy.
*Photo courtesy of a b’day pressie from the fabbo Louise.